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Schmucks Guide to Society: Lambchops



My name is Connor and together we're gonna live the high life on a low budget. Welcome to the Schmucks Guide to Society.


Everything tastes better when it’s cut off of a murdered child.


That’s not true, but if you read that sentence and felt related too I cannot stress seeking mental health enough. Therapists do great things now. Gone are the days of shooting an icepick up your nostril into your brain, here are the days of unboxing the things your father said in passing that influence every decision you’ve made since.


But this article isn’t about you, it’s about lamb chops!

The lambchop was invented by an Icelandic farmer who was too impatient to wait until their sheep was fully matured and instead decided to eat it’s child as the most sociopathic alpha move of domesticity in history.


But gee willikers does this meat just fall off the bone. So tender and juicy.

I called my chef friend Marcell to see what the best way to cook lamb chops, to which he replied:


Marcell: Are you just going to turn this article into a bunch of bits on child murdering?


I grew embarrassed and immediately hung up the phone. But thanks anyway, Marcell!


Now with my professional culinary resource squandered, how am I to expose readers to the newest take on lamb chops without me knowing a thing about cooking?


The band ‘Lambchop’ was formed in 1986 by Kurt Wagner, and rose to prominence in the mid 90’s bending the genres of country, soul, jazz and electronic. A short listen through their discography will make you dance and cry, often at once.


I’d first discovered the band through their excellent cover of John Prines ‘Six O’Clock News’. It’s transcendent and sexy, loose and intoxicating and builds upon the original tune in ways one would hope for a cover to do.


The band has a layer of cool that transcends decades with their songs being respected everywhere but the mainstream.


Their slowburn hit ‘Up With People’ is a fine start, but my personal favorite tune of theirs has always been ‘Give Me Your Love (Love Song)’, a disco type diddy with none of the cheese and all of the slick.


So do yourself a favor, take a peek at the band Lambchop, give a little cool to your listening habits, and give a little culture to your ears. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to throw the child of a sheep into an oven for a delightful dinner alone.


Do me a favor and punch yourself in the schpfantz, just for old times sake.

Happy New Year!


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