For many, the Super Wild Card Weekend was time to cheat on your new year's diet and enjoy some quality football in the comfort of your home. For others, it was a chance to start 2021 with a bang and be thankful they don't have to start in the negative with their bookie. If you were the lucky gambler and picked all the games correctly (money line), then you would've walked out with a pretty penny. That's right, the Bills (-295), Rams (+190), Buccaneers (-400), Ravens (-195), Saints (-435), and Browns (+195) would have handed you over $2,500 bucks. Full recap below on how the stars aligned.
Nothing beats Saturday playoff football, and the first game did not disappoint. Andrew Cuomo couldn't stop Bills Mafia from being in prime form, smashing tables and pounding beers like it was Sunday Service for their lord and savior, Josh Allen. An MVP potential threw for over 300 yards and two touchdowns and rushed one in himself. A new sheriff may have been crowned after what appears to have been Phillip Rivers's last game in the NFL. A part of your childhood shed a tear reading those words, but the man left it out all on the field. His play was no match for Buffalo, who was not leaving the game without ending their playoff win drought. Bills 27, Colts 24. As they say in Rome... nobody circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.
Heading over to Seattle, it was apparent that the "12" were the missing link for a Seahawks win. Mr. Unlimted was capped by Sean McVay and the Rams, sacking Russ five times. LinkedIn all-star John Wolford left the game early, leaving the fate of the Rams between the BOAT or Jared Goff. The Rams went to Jared's instead of Blake Bortles, and it worked out in their favor. Jets fans rejoiced as Jamal Adams won as many playoff games this year as their own team. Adams and the Seahawks said the Rams "didn't want this smoke", the Rams snagged their cigars and said otherwise. Rams move on, Los Angeles 30, Seattle 20.
Speaking of replacements, Taylor Heinecke has earned himself a bid to the elite fraternity of backup quarterbacks. Pledgemaster Chase Daniels, Risk Manager Chad Henne, Vice President Colt McCoy, and President Josh McCown gathered in happiness. They took a look at Heinecke's worthy performance and whispered into his ear "Welcome to the club, congrats on that future contract". Tom vs. Time turned into Tom vs. Taylor, as the team with no name put up a daunting fight. In the end, Brady was not going to lose an NFC East team that is not named the Giants or Eagles. Towards the end of the game, Washington's defense looked like the Capitol Police force. Too soon? Bucs 31, Washington 23.
Photo: Al Drago / AP Photos
Sunday's matinee was a repeat performance of last year's "upset of the year". King Henry looked like King Joffrey, who couldn't get anything going for House Tennesee. Tempers were flaring and TikTok dances were flowing, and Lamar Michael Jackson finally "beat it" and snagged his first playoff victory. Ravens 20, Titans 13.
Down at the Bikini Bottom Benz Superdome, Brother Brees was hoping for a sweet victory. The Peruvian Puff Pepper reference went over the heads and through the arms of the new Nickelodeon viewers. The Drake and Josh reference was just like the pass to Javon Wims, who whiffed on a potential game-changing touchdown. All eyes were on Ian Eagles son Noah, but the star of the night was Lex Lumpkin. In presumably Mitch Tribusky's final game as a Bear, he may have not won the big game, but he took home the prestigious "NVP" award. The Bears got blown out, but Jimmy Graham ended the game with a mic drop of a one-handed touchdown and Coach Payton remained a man of his word.
To end the weekend, COVID was no match for the Browns to topple the Steelers. It was a dominating performance by the Browns, that probably sent Big Ben back into a walking boot and riding off into retirement. The Browns were pumping like they had decades of pent up aggression and playoff drought emotions built up. Well, they actually did. In the first quarter alone, the Browns were up 28-0 after intercepting Rothelesberger TWICE and recovering a botched snap in the endzone on the opening drive. In Browns fashion, they almost blew the lead, as the Steelers attempted a comeback bigger than Manzel's. Big Ben's 500-yard performance was no match for the Browns makeshift COVID line and the explosive "CHUNT" combo. TakiTaki called the game with a clinching interception, and the Browns are moving on. Are the Clevland Indians* irrelevant now? Francisco Lindor may say yes. Browns 48, Steelers 37. For those following at home, yes that is a scoragami.
Next week, we will have some must-see matchups that will surely cause some chaos. The top-seeded Packers will take on the frisky Rams, while the Bucs and Saints will face yet again in the battle of the 40-year old not so virgins in Brady and Brees. On the other side of the league, the Browns look to earn their knighthood respect and will face off against Chiefs Kingdom. The Bills will matchup against the Ravens in the battle of a class of 2018 quarterbacks. Get your popcorn (and your bets) lined up!