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PETA is at it again! This time in the world of baseball. They aren't targeting teams with animal names, like the minor league Rocket City Trash Pandas, but they are going after pitchers? That's right. PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman made a statement saying that the term "bullpen", devalues the talented pitchers and makes a mockery of bulls, who were noted as sensitive animals who were miserable.
"PETA encourages Major League Baseball coaches, announcers, players and fans to changeup their language and embrace the ‘arm barn’ instead." - Tracy Reiman, PETA Executive Vice President
Honestly, the bullpen might be changed faster than Washington Football Team adopts a name. There's been mixed reviews, but I think the Arm Barn is kind of a fire name. A rare W for PETA to be quite honest. It kind of reminds me when Kevin Cash of the Rays said he had "a whole damn stable of pitchers that throw 98 miles per hour". I mean imagine calling upon Aroldis Chapman, who rides in on a Clydesdale and then throws a 105mph fast ball down the middle. Badass.
The bullpen symbolically represents the fenced-in area of a "bull's pen", where bulls wait before being sent off to the slaughter. I guess it had it's dark symbolization, but I don't think anyone has ever consider a relief pitcher a slaughtered bull. I think that they are reaching for straws when saying the bullpen is hateful, but the wheels starting turning thinking of alternative names. I think I found a few that might be fire.
The Gas Station
Your relievers are intended to come in and throw some gas. The Gas Station is your home to your pitching technicians. This name is actually the pitching facility at the Yankees development complex in Tampa. The Gas Station is a big blue shed that houses an array of technology aimed at helping pitchers become better at their craft. I think this is my top choice, but environmentalist will probably want to rename the "EV Charging Den" if were calling upon cancel culture.
The Firehouse
Did somebody call a firefighter, because there's a fire on the mound. Imagine a relief pitcher rolling up to the mound in a mini firetruck and then immediately strike out the side. Similar to throwing gas, these fellas are throwing HEAT. Pitching Ninja would be all over this one, I feel.
The Sauna
By definition a bullpen is "a place on a baseball field where relief pitchers can warm up during a game.". A Sauna is "a room used as a hot-air or steam bath for cleaning , warming up and refreshing the body." Marketing teams could go crazy, adding fake plants and wood panels to make it look like a sauna.
I'm a Reliever by Smash Mouth
If the MLB wants to market, than might as well hit up Smash Mouth and make a whole montage about it. A stretch yes, but I love a good Shrek pun.
If the MLB adopts one of these, I'll take my royalty in Bitcoin. **